i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
