Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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