bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
love makes seman taste better
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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