remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
