what day is it and did you see me today?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize