I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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