the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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