So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
