It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
