u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
