something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I love you. Go after that dick
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize