I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize