I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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