Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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