yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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