VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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