i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
