Your tits are I can't wait for
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize