I just threw up on my dentist
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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