I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
