Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I can't turn off my feet"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
