I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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