you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
