Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He kissed a someone with a penis
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
