I can text with my tongue
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
