Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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