I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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