She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
