Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
