Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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