For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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