So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
