my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
