And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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