Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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