I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
