if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
