dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Boobs are out for the taking
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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