I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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