were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
