id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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