a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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