So drunk its hurt
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
