How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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