Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
