I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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