One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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