not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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