if you like me you must not know who I am
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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