some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
