I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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