I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
