If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize