so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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