Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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