Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
