My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
