my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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