I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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