is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
