I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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