Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
