Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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