You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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