Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
