Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I want a musical about memes.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
