so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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