Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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