What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My ass is underappreciated
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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