Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
