i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This house was built for laser tag.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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