I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Can I color on your dick again?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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