i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
