Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
