Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize