even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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