My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
